Act III
To Forget: to aver from memory
To forget the past pain you enter into an active state of putting aside and allowing the emotional charge to die down, then die. “To Forget means to aver from memory, to refuse to dwell—in other words, to let go, to loosen one’s hold, particularly on memory. This kind of forgetting does not erase memory, it lays the emotion surrounding the memory to rest.” Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves.
At the core of every issue sits an interpretation of life and reality. Whenever I feel I have been injured, if I give it time and proper attention (vs obsession) and set aside the charged emotions, I find a negative belief I am holding. The situation I need to forgive shows me where I have gathered evidence for my belief. I may have interpreted the situation through my own sense of lack of worth and ability, my faults, actions and ‘unforgivableness’, which issue from my negative belief. I have used the hurtfulness of others (or my self) to support my already established low self worth.
Practicing active forgetfulness gives me a chance to set aside my held belief or interpretation of events to allow another truth to emerge. If I continue to hold my abuser (self or other) in a stuck, emotionally charged image, I will continue to hold my self as victim. Putting aside the one means putting aside the other.
But, you say, it still hurts, I still hurt! I can’t help remembering and feeling the pain. You may want to go back to practicing forbearance, or look to see if you have given yourself sufficient time away (the forego step). Have you practiced leaving it alone? Then again, if you have explored these first two steps and want to move on, even if you still hurt, there is help.
Here is a practical idea from Colin Tipping’s Radical Forgiveness book and training: Write three letters. To the offender, to god, to the universe, your family of origin, your self or whatever. Write with hand on paper.
Note: You will not mail these letters!
* The First letter: let it all hang out! All the rage, sadness, grief, guilt or shame you have been harboring. Let that letter be nasty, biting and outrageous, if you must, but be specific. Let every grievance be known and written down. Do not mail the letter!
* The Second letter: A day or so later, write the second letter. Retell your story, allowing your feelings and the specifics to come out in “I statements”. You may notice that some of the high emotional charge has died down a little, and some clearer ideas and values have begun to work their way into your words. Do not mail this letter!
* The Third letter: A day or so later, write the third letter. This time, allow other possible explanations to come forward, not to excuse the other person from their part of the situation, but to explore other possibilities for what this scenario may come to mean to you, how you will store it in memory. This letter requires something different from you–that you begin to entertain a higher purpose for this situation. You do not need to know it with conviction; this letter is a statement of your willingness to see divine order within human suffering. It is an invitation for spirit to be present and for you to shift into a higher track. “We are spirit having a human experience.” This third letter is an attempt to glimpse the situation from the perspective of spirit.
Tipping teaches this process to enable us to take responsibility for our part, and to adopt a different view to challenge the habit of dwelling in pain or anger. He encourages us to seek a positive viewpoint as a way of actively forgetting our old grievance story.
Look at the situation and invite into mind a new perspective, declaring:
* Look what I have created.
* Somehow, on a level I cannot yet see, this situation is perfect.
* I am ready to begin to glimpse the perfection in this situation.
Then, let it go. Forget. Refuse to dwell. Instead, allow the powerful wisdom of nature to deliver, through insight and intuition, the real truth of the situation, the truth that will truly set you free.
Invocation 