Giving and Gratitude · On Spiritual Awareness · Spiritual Care

The Giving Movement

Giving has a powerful affect in and on physical life.

We tend to believe that control is the answer to life’s challenges—to arrange, organize or manipulate the outer world is the key to happiness. We think first to make changes on the physical plane to positively affect our being. In fact, life operates in quite the reverse order. All that we are, all that we have, and experience as real, comes out of our being. What we have unfolds from the way we manage consciousness, the way we create who and what we are. Our natural manifesting intelligence listens to and takes cues from thoughts we habitually entertain and come to believe. Thoughts are things, or thoughts become things, especially to the aspect of our being who’s job it is to make real (physical) what we suppose to be real. In other words, we create our own reality.

Cami Walker faced a “reality” she clearly had not asked for. Her diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis explained her symptoms and suffering; nevertheless the weight of implications to follow was crushing to her sense of self, her marriage and to the work she loved. The real challenge would be to not allow MS to define her, to dis-able her self-awareness and joy for life. During one particularly difficult episode with MS, Cami reached out to her neighbor, a Shaman healer-practitioner, Mbali Creazzo.

Mbali offered Cami a prescription for living in the now: give something away every day for 29 days. Cami’s determination to make the most of this experiment in giving to others shifted her focus to others, and to what she could do, to what generated excitement and gave her pleasure. Her symptoms began to fade and she became stronger inside.

The 29 Gifts movement was born in that first 29-Day Giving Challenge cycle. Cami’s blog expanded in popularity; she created a website to allow other people to share their stories and track their giving experiences. Later, a book proposal was accepted, then published; the website exploded with growth that took the 29 Gifts all over the world.

The list of accolades for 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life is very long; Cami toured, spoke to large groups, appeared on TV and radio, created a product line; 29 day giving challenges were issued schools and civic groups around the world ; the book hit the NY Times bestseller list and was printed in 5 foreign languages. Likely I do not have the order of this whirlwind correct, but it does not matter now.

What matters is the effect that giving has upon us as human beings, 50 thousand of whom actually wrote about it on the old 29 Gifts site. The stories illustrated how change in ones life comes from the inside, from shifting the focus to others—whether they are suffering from physical pain or from lack of acknowledgement, or both. Our outer world appears to change because we begin to see what is truly there—we are not alone, and our suffering and isolation diminishes when we re-join humanity. When we think about doing something kind for another human, whether we know them or not, we expand inside with purpose, compassion and love.

By participating in this marvelous giving experiment, we individually-privately shift our thinking-to-being relationship and collectively generate enormous good will in our communities.

“When we take action on faith instead of waiting for confirmation that all is well, or for permission to go ahead, we are operating from a perception of plenty.” Lynne Twist

All About Ceremonies · Your Wedding Ceremony

Rethinking the Role of Best Men

Several years ago I officiated a wedding for a very elegant, lively couple. We had worked together for 6 months to plan and create the perfect ceremony, and to incorporate their friends and some family into the ceremony with special readings, songs and rituals. The bride and groom each chose 8 attendants from among their closest friends.

Ceremony Day came. The bride and her attendants would arrive together, assemble in order and enter the staging area with the brides father. I, of course, would enter with the groom and his 8 attendants. We chose to hang out behind the staging area and wait for our cue. The men milled around in nervous excitement, elbowing each other and the groom with inside jokes and “guy humor.”

Then, as if sensing the moment at hand, the men gathered around the groom, invited me into their circle, and we locked arms around each others necks in a tight huddle. All craziness quieted and though there was still humor and some ribbing, each man took his turn congratulating the groom and approving the bride, pledging his support and respect for the new marriage. One man led us in an ad lib prayer, prompting other men to add their own blessings for the couple. Some of the men and the groom shed tears. Me, too.

Though I was there as minister, and was included and encouraged to participate, these young, urbane men did not need help in speaking the truth in their hearts and declaring their love for their friend. Or in offering prayers. I have never been so impressed and deeply touched by the comeraderie and grace of men at a wedding!

Best Men, indeed.

Dear Best Men, I believe you are charged with a “holy” purpose: to stand with your brother as he openly wraps commitment  around his love and passion. You are not losing a brother, but gaining a sister (or another brother). You become leaders of the community that is created by a wedding to support and uphold this marriage.

Bravo!

On Spiritual Awareness · Spiritual Care

Setting the Energy for a New Year-2

A second method of working with Being goals is to set specific energy levels for the coming year.

Here’s my method: Through meditation or focused breathing ask yourself, “What quality or characteristic could I develop or enhance in myself that would have a beneficial effect in my life and relationships?” Often Courage is on my short list, or Discipline, Creativity, Grace, Harmony, or…what comes to you?

Identify 3 words that summarize character building qualities you would like to focus on for the coming year.

Ask to see or imagine a color that represents the specific vibration for each of these words. There are many ways of working with colors or vibrations, but perhaps the simplest way is to imagine these colors pouring into your body from over your head. Allow your body to absorb these vibrations, so you can begin to work on them from the inside out.

After my meditation, I write these words down in my planner and post them on the fridge where I can see them often. I collect colorful images to represent these powerful word-vibrations.

The most lasting changes are made in the unconscious mind, so it is useful to feed your unconscious self with frequent reminders, like post-its for building deep memory connections.

Happy New Year!

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein

On Spiritual Awareness · Spiritual Care

Setting the Energy for a New Year-1

Happy New Year/Happy New Cycle!

A big shift in perspective often happens around the turn of the year, especially around the turn of the decade or century, or in this case, the ending of a major cycle in the evolution of consciousness. This is a time when we often try to prepare for the coming year by examining the year falling away behind us. Some of us set goals to accomplish what could not be done in 2011, or what we want or hope to do and have in 2012.

I would like to share a simple method of “goal setting” that seeks to honor you as spirit having a human experience. Goals for BEING, to prepare you for the doing and having.

This one comes from Mike Dooley. To boil it down, get HAPPY. Sit in a quiet place, eyes closed, breathing deeply, thinking “Happy”. Feel happy. Think of a person or a happy event to get started if you must, but your focus needs to be on the feeling of happiness, not the event or person. Let that feeling of happiness grow within you (a great exercise in itself). Allow your whole body and being to feel happy.

Now considering that you are overflowing with happiness, become aware of the feelings that flow, the feelings that tell you your are happy: joy, excitement, peace, enthusiasm, and so forth.

Allow these feelings, the emotions of happiness, to fill you to overflowing! Let the overflow of positive emotion radiate into some area of your life. Think broadly. For example: Health, Work, Relationships, Abundance…and let those happy feelings spill over into those areas of your life. If you notice a particular aspect within that category, you can have a secondary spilling over into that area of your life.

For instance, while filling the idea of relationships with positive emotional energy, you may become aware of a particular relationship, such as “my partner” or “my children”. You then allow the glowing, flowing positive energy to spill into the thought of “my partner” or “my children” rather than attempting to give energy or fill up the other person. Keeping your mind on generalities allows your energy to shift without your control, a good thing!

While radiating positive emotion into these broad areas of your life, you may also become aware of specific goals and ideas to follow in 2012. Write them down, yes. And know they are a consequence of being happy. The achievement of these goals will not make you happy, rather, these goals are a natural consequence of you BEING happy and pouring positive, creative emotion into your life.

Sometimes setting specific goals for amounts of money or numbers of things or the specific job at this or that company, can cause us to try to control the outcome of our actions or control the unfolding of the events that deliver what we want. Then, when something we want is coming into our field of reference, we don’t recognize the form it takes, and we may reject opportunities too soon. Working with positive emotional energy  is a way to get out of the way of creation, allowing a bond of trust to form between you and the universe, allowing you to be the universe you live in; to determine the emotional form of what you are creating while you revel in the mystery of how it comes. In this sense, Mike Dooley says, “HOW is none of our business!”

On Spiritual Awareness · Spiritual Care

John O’Donohues instruction

“Listen to the voices of longing in your soul. Listen to your hungers. Give attention to the unexpected that lives around the rim of your life. Listen to your memory and to the onrush of your future, to the voices of those near you and those you have lost. Out of all that, make a prayer that is big enough for your wild soul, yet tender enough for your shy and awkward vulnerability; that has enough healing to gain the ointment of divine forgiveness for your wounds; enough truth and vigor to challenge your blindness and complacency; enough graciousness and vision to mirror your immortal beauty. Write a prayer that is worthy of the destiny to which you have been called.” John O’Donohue

My prayer is that I grow in understanding of this challenge, and deepen my receptivity for this level of truth and wisdom. Sometimes my prayer takes the form of adding “Teach me to” at the beginning of every sentence and changing the you to me.

Healing Book

Healing Perspectives & Principles

Here are some thoughts on healing that  guide the Art & Science of Healing. These ideas and the principles of energy work will provide the framework for the book.

What healing is not: healing is not curing, not fixing.

Healing is an altering of the rules by which we have chosen to live up to now.

Healing is entering into a new relationship with our self, our body, mind and spirit; healing allows us to adopt a new perspective in support of that which we wish to change.

Healing changes the condition and function of the body/mind. Healing introduces new or alternate states of being.

Healing is an attempt to understand, rather than analyze; accept, rather than deny; reconcile, rather than resist; direct, rather than negotiate; to align with, rather than oppose.

Healing is often a decision to find peace in the midst of suffering.

Healing calls forth our courage and spiritual maturity.

Healing helps us withdraw unreasonable and irrational trust in systems, people and things, and to move toward a more genuine trust of self within our benign Universe.

Healing brings about a state of being where we are more open to hear from our bodies, more discriminating about what we hear from others, more encouraged to make intuitive distinctions.

Healing is a decision to stop feeding the bad dog and feed the good ones.

Healing often urges us to trust, or remember, our first and most basic feeling about our situation and to decide that our intuition has delivered not just a glimpse of possibility, but a track to run on.

Healing is coming to terms with the wholeness of the predicament, the way in and the way out.

Healing helps to come more fully into the reality that we have created; to honor the value and wisdom of our situation given our set values, history and beliefs.

Healing generates new realities by re-directing our precious life force with those same creative abilities.

Healing enables us to accept our power and capability as spirit having a human experience.

Healing is a return to a state of wholeness regardless of the “facts” of our physical condition.

Healing is transforming the energy we are holding, expressing, hiding, hurting with—into something new and life-affirming.

Healing is our transformation out of the compost of what is no longer life-giving.

Healing is often about Forgiveness—the result of our willingness to transform energy, which is often more beneficial for self than for other.

Healing generates new realities by re-directing our precious life force with those same creative abilities.

Healing is not a miracle; healing obeys the laws of energy, physics and nature. Healing is natural. It  feels like a miracle.

Healing Book

About the Healing Book

Welcome to Our Healing Book Project! 

For more information visit Scribe Cafe, the blog for the Healing Book Project

These Healing Book pages will serve to outline the perspective from which this book will emerge, it’s evolving format and time frames for completion.

Purpose: To celebrate our journeys and life work through the collaborative creation of a healing resource that anyone may access and find helpful on their path.

I am excited to finally be on this journey. I have been collecting my teaching notes, correspondences, thoughts, quotes and encouragement from others for several years now. The idea was to put it all together into a book of profound notions simply stated with simple practices based upon the principles of healing and the Laws of the Universe.

In the process of collecting and expanding on my notes, I realized this book would be much better, deeper in scope and perspective, if opened up to others first. Now this project seems to gain power as other healers have come forward to share their methods, modalities, perspective and philosophy behind the work, and some simple practices and resources to give the reader a glimpse into the power of the work.

I know you have something important to say. Some of you have invested years in your spiritual practice, your therapy, art, somatics, qi gong, psychic readings, gardening, dance, touch, meditation and so forth. Even if you have no ambition to teach or write, your method or healing story has something to teach others. You may be experiencing a practice that another person on a healing journey needs for their personal transformation. I hope you will join me in enlarging and connecting our healing community by sharing your thoughts, stories and hopes for humanity.

Let’s get started!

“In this book you will encounter many different paths to healing. I don’t believe in the one key, one thought to hold, practice or method to embrace, or thing to do to change your life and move you in the direction of your dreams. Rather, as evolving beings, we learn about ourselves through a variety of paths, by answering the call and gathering the appropriate resources intuited for each inward journey. The magic is not in the therapy, meditation, movement, or modality—the magic is in us and in our willingness to discover our self through whatever resources we feel drawn to use.” Angel Stork

Submissions of stories, articles and essays are welcome. Visit Scribe Cafe for more information, or email your submissions here.

Forgiveness · On Spiritual Awareness

Forgiveness in Four Acts/Act IV

Act IV

To Forgive: to abandon the debt

“Forgiveness is an act of creation,” says Clarissa Pinkola Estes. We get to choose how best to forgive—in whole or in part, for now or forever or some time in between.

There is a moving story from the life of Mahatma Gandhi. As the newly independent India was dividing it’s country to form the Islamic state of Pakistan, violence broke out and former neighbors were killing each other. Gandhi went into another fasting, refusing to take nourishment until the violence stopped. A Hindu man came to Gandhi, in a state of grief and rage over the killing of his young son by a Muslim. The Hindu wanted blood to quench his rage, and came to Gandhi to vent his pain and confusion and to challenge the holy man to sanction his need for vengeance. How would he live if he did not kill in revenge for the loss of his son; how could he live if he did?

Gandhi met the challenge with compassion, and through the principles of passive resistance now applied to the human heart. He instructed the man that the only way out of his dilemma, the only road to forgiveness, would be to go into the Muslim sector and find a boy who had been orphaned at the hand of a Hindu. He was to adopt that boy, care for him and love him. And he was to raise him as a good Muslim.

In 12-step parlance, we would advise, “Pray for the SOB.”

The return to compassion is perhaps the greatest sign that we have forgiven, truly released the self from the bondage of resentment and the need for payback or penance from another. Again, from Estes great work, Women Who Run With the Wolves, “How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to remember to say about it all. You understand the suffering that drove the offense to begin with. You prefer to remain outside the milieu. You are not waiting for anything. You are not wanting anything.”

Forgiveness allows us access to higher levels of consciousness, unavailable when energy is wrapped up in resentment. Restoring us to clearer realms of consciousness returns our energy from negative missions, which restores our vitality. With energy flowing in the present, the body can heal itself.

As Carolyn Myss puts it in Anatomy of the Spirit: “The fourth chakra (the heart) is the center of the human energy system. Everything in and about our lives runs off the fuel of our hearts. We will all have experiences meant to ‘break our hearts’—not in half but wide open. Regardless of how your heart is broken, your choice is always the same: What will you do with your pain? Will you use it as an excurse to give fear more authority over you, or can you release the authority of the physical world over you through an act of forgiveness? The question contained within the fourth chakra will be presented to you again and again in your life, until the answer you give becomes your own liberation.” In other words, until we begin to accept that we are spirit having a human experience.

The return to compassion is a return to equilibrium, a restoration of the heart and the heart energy of love, compassion and prosperity, the feeling of equality and goodness extended to all. We are re-included in the all of humanity.

Forgiveness · On Spiritual Awareness

Forgiveness in Four Acts/Act III

Act III

To Forget: to aver from memory

To forget the past pain you enter into an active state of putting aside and allowing the emotional charge to die down, then die. “To Forget means to aver from memory, to refuse to dwell—in other words, to let go, to loosen one’s hold, particularly on memory. This kind of forgetting does not erase memory, it lays the emotion surrounding the memory to rest.” Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves.

At the core of every issue sits an interpretation of life and reality. Whenever I feel I have been injured, if I give it time and proper attention (vs obsession) and set aside the charged emotions, I find a negative belief I am holding. The situation I need to forgive shows me where I have gathered evidence for my belief. I may have interpreted the situation through my own sense of lack of worth and ability, my faults, actions and ‘unforgivableness’, which issue from my negative belief. I have used the hurtfulness of others (or my self) to support my already established low self worth.

Practicing active forgetfulness gives me a chance to set aside my held belief or interpretation of events to allow another truth to emerge. If I continue to hold my abuser (self or other) in a stuck, emotionally charged image, I will continue to hold my self as victim. Putting aside the one means putting aside the other.

But, you say, it still hurts, I still hurt! I can’t help remembering and feeling the pain. You may want to go back to practicing forbearance, or look to see if you have given yourself sufficient time away (the forego step). Have you practiced leaving it alone? Then again, if you have explored these first two steps and want to move on, even if you still hurt, there is help.

Here is a practical idea from Colin Tipping’s Radical Forgiveness book and training: Write three letters. To the offender, to god, to the universe, your family of origin, your self or whatever. Write with hand on paper.

Note: You will not mail these letters!

* The First letter: let it all hang out! All the rage, sadness, grief, guilt or shame you have been harboring. Let that letter be nasty, biting and outrageous, if you must, but be specific. Let every grievance be known and written down. Do not mail the letter!

* The Second letter: A day or so later, write the second letter. Retell your story, allowing your feelings and the specifics to come out in “I statements”. You may notice that some of the high emotional charge has died down a little, and some clearer ideas and values have begun to work their way into your words. Do not mail this letter!

* The Third letter: A day or so later, write the third letter. This time, allow other possible explanations to come forward, not to excuse the other person from their part of the situation, but to explore other possibilities for what this scenario may come to mean to you, how you will store it in memory. This letter requires something different from you–that you begin to entertain a higher purpose for this situation. You do not need to know it with conviction; this letter is a statement of your willingness to see divine order within human suffering. It is an invitation for spirit to be present and for you to shift into a higher track. “We are spirit having a human experience.” This third letter is an attempt to glimpse the situation from the perspective of spirit.

Tipping teaches this process to enable us to take responsibility for our part, and to adopt a different view to challenge the habit of dwelling in pain or anger. He encourages us to seek a positive viewpoint as a way of actively forgetting our old grievance story.

Look at the situation and invite into mind a new perspective, declaring:

* Look what I have created.

* Somehow, on a level I cannot yet see, this situation is perfect.

* I am ready to begin to glimpse the perfection in this situation.

Then, let it go. Forget. Refuse to dwell. Instead, allow the powerful wisdom of nature to deliver, through insight and intuition, the real truth of the situation, the truth that will truly set you free.

Forgiveness · On Spiritual Awareness

Forgiveness in Four Acts/Act II

Act II

To Forebear: to abstain from punishing

There is an old saying that holding resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.

This second stage in the forgiveness process enables us to gain control over our ‘hit back’ reflexes, to restore our integrity and to revive our spirit.

The importance in practicing forbearance is in how we develop patience and control of our own thoughts and tendencies. When we are truly hurt by another, or operating under the perception that a wrong has been done to us, we withdraw the investment of our heart. We withdraw trust (which in some cases is entirely appropriate) and we withdraw from interaction with the offender. We exclude that person from our good favor, sometimes forever.

To forbear is to hold back from punishing, provoking, auditioning supporters, building more of a case and otherwise allowing the pain to run amok in our emotional body. To forbear you must catch yourself and redirect your energies in order to stop drinking from the poisoned well of resentment. Quell the temptation to punish the offender by mental bin diving for evidence; restrain from spreading the story of your trouble or poisoning another’s opinion; avoid seeking power by fantasizing revenge; refrain from hostility. Stop it. You are feeding the bad dog (resentment) and he will keep coming back for more until you are truly powerless.

This does not mean that you pretend you have not been injured, or pretend all is okay. It means that you honestly examine your motivations for sharing your story or baring your pain to another; that you make an effort to de-escalate the situation by containing the memory like a riverbank contains the flowing water. After the dam-bursting injury, you must do what you can to restore a sense of order, to bring the wild river of emotion back into it’s banks so that your pain does not contaminate other areas of your life.

As Clarissa Pinkola Estes puts it, forbearance “…does not mean to go blind or dead and lose self-protective vigilance. It means to give a bit of grace to the situation and see how that assists.” Forbearance creates time and space to set aside your held belief or interpretation of events long enough to allow another truth or possibility to emerge.

To forbear requires courage and patience, the ability to ‘bear up’ under the pressure of resurfacing memories, questions from concerned family and friends, the unexpected sight of your ‘offender’, and sometimes even the sound of their name spoken in a different context. People who have suffered physical abuse, lost a loved one to murder, divorce or abduction, been through a Katrina-like experience, developed a life threatening disease, witnessed a serious crime, experienced war, famine or terrorism learn early on that their survival and health depend upon finding a way to contain and process the pain and grief, however slowly, by making internal decisions about how they will hold the memory.

Revenge, hatred and self-criticism are poor survival strategies. One mother who lost a child to murder knew she had to begin to contain her grief, to give herself specific time and space to grieve, in order to be present for her living children, and to be able to get through the months and years of court trials, appeals and parole hearings. She did not bury her feelings, rather, she practiced forgoing, or taking a break from tragedy, and forbearance, by hauling her energy back from revenge fantasies and obsessive surveying of the damages.

With life’s more ordinary injuries and offences, we are always offered an opportunity to examine our perceptions—what do I believe really happened? What do I think it means? Often, the small slings and arrows of life serve to bring something more valuable to the surface: the realization that a friendship is shifting it’s focus; the awareness of living with a dissatisfaction or irritation for a long time, and perhaps bringing to ‘a head’ so to speak; the need to make a decision that will change your life. Leave that job, take a chance on that relationship, mentally rearrange your friend priority list, do not shop there anymore period, tell the truth (with compassion), speak up, throw or give it away, move to London, exercise, get control of your life, energy, money, etc.

Estes says: “To forebear means to have patience, to bear up against, to channel emotion. These are powerful medicines. Do as much as you can. This is a cleansing regime. To forebear is to practice generosity, thereby allowing the great compassionate nature to participate in matters that have previously caused emotion ranging all the way from minor irritation to rage.”