Rethinking the Role of Best Men

Several years ago I officiated a wedding for a very elegant, lively couple. We had worked together for 6 months to create the perfect ceremony, and to incorporate their friends and some family into the ceremony with special readings, songs and rituals. The bride and groom each chose 8 attendants from among their closest friends.

Ceremony Day came. The bride and her attendants would arrive together, assemble in order and enter the staging area with the brides father. I, of course, would enter with the groom and his 8 attendants. We chose to hang out behind the staging area and wait for our cue. The men milled around in nervous excitement, elbowing each other and the groom with inside jokes and “guy humor.”

Then, as if sensing the moment at hand, the men gathered around the groom, invited me into their circle, and we locked arms around each others necks in a tight huddle. All craziness quieted and though there was still humor and some ribbing, each man took his turn congratulating the groom and approving the bride, pledging his support and respect for the new marriage. One man led us in an ad lib prayer, prompting other men to add their own blessings for the couple. Some of the men and the groom shed tears. Me, too.

Though I was there as minister, and was included and encouraged to participate, these young, urbane men did not need help in speaking their hearts and declaring their love for their friend. Or in offering prayers. I have never been so impressed and deeply touched by the commeraderie and grace of men at a wedding!

Best Men, indeed.

Dear Best Men, I believe you are charged with a “holy” purpose: to stand with your brother as he openly wraps commitment  around his love and passion. You are not losing a brother, but gaining a sister. You become leaders of the community that is created by a wedding to support and uphold this marriage.

Bravo!

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